Monday, December 8, 2014

Why Is It Not Okay to Not Be Okay?

I've pondered this questions many times. Why is it not okay to be okay? So, here it goes. Lets say someone tells me something like "Oh, don't tell anyone that, please." Or, "I don't want anyone to know." Or, "Aren't you embarrassed? What if your family sees?" All of this in regards to mental illness. Sound familiar? Maybe it's yourself saying it in your head. Maybe it's a friend or family member saying that about someone else.

I remember when I was 18 years old, I was working my first "real" job and I had just decided to  take a semester off from college, I just broke up with a boy who was very mentally abusive, and I was in an awful spot in my life mentally. I came home to a family member with tears in my eyes and said "I think I have depression or something." Her response was a cold, "Well, you probably do." And that was all. Maybe if she wanted to help me, I would have been able to get help much sooner in life. Or maybe I wouldn't feel so alone. Does this sound like something that happened to you? I know a few people who finally mustered up the courage to tell a loved one and the same thing happened to them. They were kind of pushed aside and left alone to feel even worse.

I would go on for 10 years before I finally decided that it was the last straw and that I needed to get help. When I went to my first therapy visit I was so worried about someone seeing me or finding out about it. Like it was some awful secret that no one could ever know about. Then I was just so focused on making myself better that I didn't care anymore. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to feel validated; and this was the only way for me to figure out how to uncover everything. My fears, my sadness, my anger, my anxiety, my imperfections, all of it! I wanted to be free! I remember specifically thinking, "what if my therapist thinks I'm a bad person, or tells me it's all my fault?" That type of thinking I'm sure is what happens to a lot of us that have been hurt. So, I just want you to know you're not alone! And I'm here to say that I'm 99% sure that NO therapist would EVER say that. We are all validated in our feelings and we deserve help, we deserve someone to LISTEN to us. But most of all, we deserve self love!

I finally feel like I am able to be me. I am finally able to say "Hey! I'm not okay!" And you know what? That does NOT make me any less of a deserving person, any less of a woman, any less of a wife, or any less of a mother. In fact, I believe this process will only make me stronger. It will only make me better in all of those areas because I can finally really understand myself and understand how my misfortunes have impacted my life, for both good and bad. I can finally heal and finally be at peace with myself.

So, I'm here to say that if you are NOT okay, that IS okay! I want you to not be scared to take that first step and seek help. You deserve to live a life of fulfillment. You are never alone.