My Year in 2011

2011 started off very frazzled for me. I started TWO new jobs in December of 2010 after not being able to find a job in my field for four months. I was eager yet very defeated all at the same time. I was eager because I was ready for a change and to really thrive in the business. Defeated because after countless interviews and either getting a "Dear Jessica, we are sorry to inform you" letter or not even hearing back from a place. After being crushed so many times, my confidence was completely shot. I lost my spunk!! And what am I without my spunk!? I had let those instances define me. To be honest, I didn't think there was any turning back from that point. I just kept telling myself, "How can I have worked so hard in college, through my internships, volunteer work, have 6 years of professional experience under my belt, countless letters of recommendation, and a degree to go along with it and no one [likes me] or wants to give me a chance?" I let my own thoughts manifest into negativity and define who I was. 

Well, the hours of both of the jobs I took ended up crossing over with each other and I had to make a decision to stick with one. The job that I chose led me to believe that there was a lot more in store that would give me the opportunity to learn and grow in the business; and that ended up not being the case. Of course that added more fuel to my already blazing fire. So, a few months passed and I had slipped into a state of depression. Not only due to my frustration with my job and lack of time to see my family in turn, but because it was during this time that precancerous cells (moderate dysplasia) were found during a routine pap.

All I could think about was, "How could I not know? Why me? I don't want to die." Getting really sic k and dying was my #1 concern & fear followed by, "what if it spreads and I can't have kids?" So, soon to follow was a slew of doctor visits, biopsies, and procedures. When I found out what was going on, I was determined to fight! I started eating less processed foods, working out even more than I already was, taking regular fish oil pills and multivitamins, and lastly, quitting smoking in September of 2010 helped me as well. 

Well, I had my removal procedure and was then placed on antibiotics due to an infection that soon followed for 16 days. I then had a follow up appointment on May 3rd and my pap came back NORMAL!  I was scheduled for another follow up appointment on May 26th which was to be right after I was to return from my Boston vacation. It was this day that I found out I was officially PREGNANT. (You can read more about this experience in my previous blogs). 

My fiance and I viewed this as a real gift from God and that I was truly meant to happen at this time. Once we accepted this news, my life and views on life changed instantly. I was happy again. I was Jessica again. I appreciated time with my loved ones and couldn't love them more. I was suddenly stress free and accepting of all the fruits that life has in store for me and my family. 

As the year progressed I really took inventory of what was and is important. I was focused on doing my personal best and giving my all to worthwhile situations and people.

What I realized and learned this past year :

1. My relationship with John is the most fulfilling relationship I've had in my life, for him I am thankful forever.

2. My sisters and brother are my very best friends. 

3. My dad is the most generous man. 

4. Through lies that my "friends and fam" have spread, I prevailed and karma truly came around. 

5. I will never let my hard work and dedication go unappreciated again. 

6. I will do whatever it takes to support my family. 

7. I AM good enough.

8. Taking care of my body is NOT an option, it's a necessity. 

9. My son and future husband are my world.